Do you lexiphi?

*cue the groans!* here comes some lexiphication for those who like it punny!

• To write with a broken pencil is…  pointless.
• When fish are in schools they sometimes…  take debate.
• A thief who stole a calendar…  got twelve months.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles…  U.C.L.A.
• The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes…  was on shaky ground.
• The batteries were given out… free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist married… They fought tooth and nail.
• A will is a… dead giveaway.
• If you don’t pay your exorcist… you can get repossessed.
• With her marriage, she got a new name… and a dress.
• Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you… A-flat miner.
• You are stuck with your debt if… you can’t budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia… The LAN down under.
• A boiled egg is…  hard to beat.
• When you’ve seen one shopping center… you’ve seen a mall.
• Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was… resisting a rest.
• Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
• If you take a laptop computer for a run you could… jog your memory.
• A bicycle can’t stand alone… it is two tired.
• In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism…  it’s your Count that votes.
• When a clock is hungry… it goes back four seconds.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine… was fully recovered.
• He had a photographic memory… which was never developed.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be… exposed in the end.
• When she saw her first strands of gray hair… she thought she’d dye.
• Acupuncture…  a jab well done.

This wonderful lexiphication comes from Sue H on the JustAPinch.com forums