Do you lexiphi?

*cue the groans!* here comes some lexiphication for those who like it punny!
- To write with a broken pencil is… pointless.
- When fish are in schools they sometimes… take debate.
- A thief who stole a calendar… got twelve months.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles… U.C.L.A.
- The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes… was on shaky ground.
- The batteries were given out… free of charge.
- A dentist and a manicurist married… They fought tooth and nail.
- A will is a… dead giveaway.
- If you don’t pay your exorcist… you can get repossessed.
- With her marriage, she got a new name… and a dress.
- Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you… A-flat miner.
- You are stuck with your debt if… you can’t budge it.
- Local Area Network in Australia… The LAN down under.
- A boiled egg is… hard to beat.
- When you’ve seen one shopping center… you’ve seen a mall.
- Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was… resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- If you take a laptop computer for a run you could… jog your memory.
- A bicycle can’t stand alone… it is two tired.
- In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism… it’s your Count that votes.
- When a clock is hungry… it goes back four seconds.
- The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine… was fully recovered.
- He had a photographic memory… which was never developed.
- Those who get too big for their britches will be… exposed in the end.
- When she saw her first strands of gray hair… she thought she’d dye.
- Acupuncture… a jab well done.
This wonderful lexiphication comes from Sue H on the JustAPinch.com forums